The Colbert Report — Season 5

Aired 5 January 2009

Stephen congratulates John King and the rest of the media on getting Obama elected.

Aired 6 January 2009

Matt Miller says the government must make sure we have basic securities like health care and pensions.

Aired 7 January 2009

Benicio Del Toro talks about meeting Castro to prepare for "Che."

Aired 8 January 2009

Lawrence Lessig says the outdated copyright laws have turned our kids into criminals.

Aired 12 January 2009

Anthony Romero believes it will be a huge mistake if Barack Obama doesn't close Guantanamo immediately.

Aired 13 January 2009

Niall Ferguson explains how money is a relationship between a creditor and a debtor.

Aired 14 January 2009

Barack Obama may be over-marketed, and Alan Khazei wants Americans to volunteer.

Aired 15 January 2009

A look back on President Bush's relationship with the media -- Stephen wonders if tonight's the night they finally do it and Shepard Fairey's "Hope" poster belongs to everyone.

Aired 19 January 2009

Frank Rich says George W. Bush delivers a message of hope for mediocrity.

Aired 20 January 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes Washington Post columnist and author of The N Word: Who Can Say It, Who Shouldn't, and Why, Jabari Asim.

Aired 21 January 2009

Elizabeth Alexander explains to Stephen the difference between a metaphor and a lie.

Aired 22 January 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes Newsweek editor and author of American Lion: Andrew Jackson in the White House, Jon Meacham.

Aired 26 January 2009

Obama changes Bush's policy on science, and Ed Young thinks married people should have more sex.

Aired 27 January 2009

Documentary, "Man on Wire"

Aired 28 January 2009

Aired 29 January 2009

President and CEO, Center for American Progress

Aired 2 February 2009

The government collapses in Iceland, and Stephen gets mad at Dan Zaccagnino.

Aired 3 February 2009

Henry Louis Gates, Jr. says Abraham Lincoln was always against slavery, but he wasn't a fan of black people.

Aired 4 February 2009

Actor, "The Pink Panther 2"

Aired 5 February 2009

Stephen salutes the Boy Scouts, and Jonah Lehrer discusses the neuroscience of decision-making.

Aired 9 February 2009

Stephen welcomes musical guest TV On The Radio.

Aired 10 February 2009

It's tough times for the Republican Party, and Stephen gives a shout out to a former employee.

Aired 11 February 2009

New York Times article, "My Genomic Self"

Aired 12 February 2009

Adam Gopnik claims that faith and fear no longer rule our lives because of Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin.

Aired 23 February 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes the chief scientific advisor for chemistry.com, anthropology professor and author of Why Him? Why Her?: Finding Real Love By Understanding Your Personality Type, Helen Fisher.

Aired 24 February 2009

Cliff Sloan believes that Marbury v. Madison is significant because it established the rule of law.

Aired 25 February 2009

Mayor John Fetterman believes Braddock, PA is a great place to spend some of the stimulus money.

Aired 26 February 2009

Stephen wants to know how Kris Kristofferson can be a country musician and a liberal at the same time.

Aired 2 March 2009

Late at night, who does David Byrne fear David Byrne is?

Aired 3 March 2009

President Obama taxes the rich to pay for universal health care, and South Carolina may finally end gun prostitution.

Aired 4 March 2009

Carl Wilson tries to understand the popularity of Celine Dion in "Let's Talk About Love" and will NASA name part of the space station after Stephen if he changes his name to Stephen Urine Filtration System?

Aired 5 March 2009

Steven Johnson talks about Joseph Priestley, the man who first realized that plants actually create the oxygen we breathe.

Aired 9 March 2009

Lisa Hannigan sewed the cover, liner notes and lyrics of her album "Sea Sew."

Aired 10 March 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes microbiologist and member of the Joint BioEnergy Institute, Dr. Jay Keasling. Also Stephen talks with NASA's associate administrator for space operations Bill Gerstenmaier about the Kepler Probe and other space exploration.

Aired 11 March 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes Newsweek correspondent and author of 'The Thirteen American Arguments: Enduring Debates that Define and Inspire Our Country', Howard Fineman.

Aired 12 March 2009

Peter Singer urges Stephen to give money to poor people rather than enjoying it himself.

Aired 16 March 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes the author of 'The Graveyard Book'.

Aired 17 March 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes the author of 'The Lost City of Z: A Tale of Deadly Obsession in the Amazon'.

Aired 18 March 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes the author of 'Engaging the Muslim World'.

Aired 19 March 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes the president of Choose Responsibility.

Aired 30 March 2009

The guest tonight is Derrick Pitts, Chief Astronomer at The Franklin Institute.

Aired 31 March 2009

David Plotz, Author of 'Good Book LP' talks to Stephen tonight.

Aired 1 April 2009

Author of "Dead Aid", Dambisa Moyo is the guest on tonight's show.

Aired 2 April 2009

One of the co-founders of Twitter is the guest for tonight's show.

Aired 6 April 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes the co-author of Banquo's Ghosts, Rich Lowry.

Aired 7 April 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes Jordan's Queen Noor.

Aired 8 April 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes the editor at large for the San Francisco Chronicle, Phil Bronstein.

Aired 9 April 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes Bible expert and author of Jesus, Interrupted: Revealing the Hidden Contradictions in the Bible (And Why We Don't Know About Them), Bart Ehrman.

Aired 14 April 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes psychotherapist and author of Bodies, Susie Orbach. Also, Stephen talks with NASA's Deputy Chief, Astronaut Office at the Johnson Space Center, Sunita Williams about the naming of the new node on the International Space Station.

Aired 15 April 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes the anchor of PBS' NewsHour and author of Oh, Jonny, Jim Lehrer.

Aired 16 April 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes the former head of the Office of Legal Council for both President Reagan and George Bush Sr., and author of Can a Catholic Support Him? Asking the Big Questions about Barack Obama, Doug Kmiec. Also, Stephen talks with the associate editor for opendemocracy.net, Kanishk Tharoor.

Aired 20 April 2009

Sheriff Joe Arpaio denies that he focuses too much on illegal immigration.

Aired 21 April 2009

Tonight Stephen talks with Duke University men's basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski.

Aired 22 April 2009

Tonight Stephen talks with host of This American Life, Ira Glass.

Aired 23 April 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes the West Africa Program Officer for Heifer International, Elizabeth Bintliff.

Aired 27 April 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes musical group The Decemberists.

Aired 28 April 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes journalist and author of 'Dumb Money: How Our Greatest Financial Minds Bankrupted the Nation', Daniel Gross. Also, Stephen talks with war correspondent Richard Engel.

Aired 29 April 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes former FDA commissioner and author of The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite, David Kessler.

Aired 30 April 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes the founder and executive director of the Drug Policy Alliance, Ethan Nadlemann.

Aired 4 May 2009

The Prescott Group needs a bailout, and J.J. Abrams reveals clues to Stephen's Persian Gulf mystery.

Aired 5 May 2009

Cliff Sloan believes that Marbury v. Madison is significant because it established the rule of law and Paul Rieckhoff wants to make sure returning veterans get education, employment and health care support.

Aired 6 May 2009

President Obama's approval numbers are at 67%, and public health expert Laurie Garrett is here to shed some light on the swine flu.

Aired 7 May 2009

It's Bring Your Savior to Work Day, and Mitchell Joachim wants to build carbon-neutral cities.

Aired 11 May 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes actor Jeff Daniels Also, Stephen talks with the vice president of policy at Demos.org, Tamara Draut about credit cart reform.

Aired 12 May 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes the producer & director of Angels & Demons, Ron Howard. Also, Stephen talks with the head of Latin American Division of the Council on Foreign Relations, Julia Sweig about Cuba.

Aired 13 May 2009

Tonight Stephen welcomes the author of In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto, Michael Pollan.

Aired 14 May 2009

Donald Trump allows Miss California to keep her crown, the DonorsChoose competition continues, and Yusuf performs.

Aired 18 May 2009

Meghan McCain loves the Republican Party and wants to save it from the people trying to make it more extreme.

Aired 19 May 2009

Republicans find a way to make us love them again, and a Difference Maker stands up to the government.

Aired 20 May 2009

Torture memo author John Yoo gets a newspaper column, and Nancy Pelosi says the CIA lied to her.

Aired 21 May 2009

Stephen reveals most of the Indian election results, and Green Day talks about their album, "21st Century Breakdown."

Aired 1 June 2009

Republicans could lose their Latino voter, and you can see Stephen's Persian Gulf destination from Sarah Palin's house.

Aired 2 June 2009

The FDA challenges medical claims made by Cheerios, and Jim Moran protects kids from erectile dysfunction advertising.

Aired 3 June 2009

California allows some gay couples to stay married, and Obama invites Iran to celebrate 4th of July.

Aired 4 June 2009

Wikipedia takes on the Church of Scientology, and the latest on abstinence-only education will be worth the wait.

Aired 8 June 2009

General Ray Odierno steps up to the plate to be Stephen’s first guest in Iraq.

Aired 9 June 2009

Stephen welcomes Sergeant Robin Balcom and Specialist Tareq Salha to his international desk of wisdom and truthiness.

Aired 10 June 2009

Tom Hanks and Stephen prepare a care package, and Charles H. Jacoby Jr. picks his favorite soldier.

Aired 11 June 2009

George W. Bush praises the troops, and Frank A. Grippe orders his officers to sing the Army song.

Aired 15 June 2009

Stephen gives advice to the next leader of North Korea, and asks Austan Goolsbee if his arm gets tired from throwing money at problems.

Aired 16 June 2009

According to polls, 120% say the Iranian election wasn't rigged, and Jim Rogers wants to reduce Duke Energy's carbon footprint.

Aired 17 June 2009

Sonia Sotomayor belongs to an exclusive women's-only club, and Joshua Micah Marshall won't be doing the pointing and talking.

Aired 18 June 2009

Someone finally agrees to accept Gitmo detainees, and Stephen nails poet Paul Muldoon.

Aired 22 June 2009

Stephen suggests punching randomly until we find the enemy among us, and Simon Schama writes a history of the future of America.

Aired 23 June 2009

David Kilcullen fights wars by taking a local approach to combat smaller guerrilla movements.

Aired 24 June 2009

The Jonas Brothers don't abstain from making awesome rock, and Matthew Crawford believes in working with his hands.

Aired 25 June 2009

ABC turns their network over to Barack Obama, and Jim Fouratt meets the leader of the gay shame movement.

Aired 29 June 2009

Neil deGrasse Tyson tries to make science accessible to whomever wants to reach out and touch it.

Aired 30 June 2009

Stephen questions whether America should embrace soccer, and Kevin Mattson thinks Jimmy Carter was underappreciated.

Aired 1 July 2009

The Supreme Court takes its recess, and Nicholas Kristof discusses "It's Time to Learn From Frogs" after crossing five lanes of busy traffic.

Aired 2 July 2009

Congress passes a renewable energy bill, and climber Ed Viesturs scales Stephen's ego.

Aired 13 July 2009

The Sotomayor confirmation hearings begin, and New York Times columnist Paul Krugman knows a lot about money.

Aired 14 July 2009

Stephen suggests looking for change in the folds of Barney Frank, and asks Leymah Gbowee where Liberia is.

Aired 15 July 2009

There's bad news for people with target-shaped birthmarks, and Douglas Rushkoff lets Jews and Freemasons off the hook.

Aired 16 July 2009

Stephen is emotionally dead inside, and Ed Andrews should write about teen vampires if he wants to get out of debt.

Aired 20 July 2009

Geoffrey Canada can't find any area where white men are being disproportionately victimized and Bob Park doesn't understand why humans need go to space when robots can do a better job.

Aired 21 July 2009

Stephen will be the mighty oak when he investigates Acorn, and Aaron Carroll believes America should have a single-payer system.

Aired 22 July 2009

The truth behind the CIA's secret assassination squad is revealed, and Chris Anderson talks about a future economy where everything is free.

Aired 23 July 2009

The British announce plans to cut and run, Tom Vilsack drops out of the presidential race, and Zev Chafets angles for a Christmas present.

Aired 27 July 2009

A report on tasers may shock you, and Swedish band Movits! helps Stephen put his Ikea futon together

Aired 28 July 2009

Arianna Huffington was born in the United States, but she cultivated an accent to give herself an air of being an ethnic minority.

Aired 29 July 2009

Lance Armstrong comes in third in the Tour de France, and Kevin Baker says Obama is the new Hoover.

Aired 30 July 2009

Kathryn Bigelow's war movie, "The Hurt Locker," is getting great reviews, despite not having explosions and ear-splitting sound effects.

Aired 3 August 2009

President Obama finds a way to pay for health care, and General Anthony Zinni will wax Stephen's chest.

Aired 4 August 2009

According to Kurt Andersen, the economic and health crises give Americans a brief chance to get things where they want them.

Aired 5 August 2009

Kris Kobach wants to fight illegal immigration on the local level and reward the people willing to come to this country legally.

Aired 6 August 2009

Stephen reviews the movies that are destroying America and talks to Meryl Streep about her role as Julia Child.

Aired 10 August 2009

Vladimir Putin returns to the spotlight, and Stephen interviews Barbara Boxer with deaf suspicion.

Aired 11 August 2009

Afghanistan prepares for Bring Your Rocket Launcher to Work Day, and Jonathan Cohn explains why America's having a health care crisis.

Aired 12 August 2009

Americans speak Glenn Beck's mind at town hall meetings, and Mark Johnson spreads peace through music.

Aired 13 August 2009

Glenn Beck loses his sponsors, and Mark Devlin uses giant balloons to life telescopes to the edge of space.

Aired 17 August 2009

Reporters get so desperate they'll even work for a newspaper, and Bill McKibben lowers carbon dioxide levels by not exhaling when he talks.

Aired 18 August 2009

Aired 19 August 2009

Ang Lee captures the hope and optimism of tired, dirty kids in his movie, "Taking Woodstock."

Aired 20 August 2009

The Earth's population nears 7 billion, and Chris Matthews discusses his documentary, "The Kennedy Brothers."

Aired 14 September 2009

The health care debate rages on, MTV's VMAs deliver a shock, and Cory Booker admits he is the mayor of Newark.

Aired 15 September 2009

Christiane Amanpour is going to make Americans care about the rest of the world with her CNN show "Amanpour."

Aired 16 September 2009

Obama indoctrinates America's school children, Tucker Carlson reveals Muslims' influence on textbooks, and The Flaming Lips perform.

Aired 17 September 2009

Stephen resurrects the U.S. military technique of staring at a goats and Frank Bruni talks about mastering his addiction to compulsive eating as a food critic for the New York Times.

Aired 22 September 2009

The Senate votes to allow guns on trains, and Shai Agassi wants us all to drive electric cars.

Aired 23 September 2009

AJ Jacobs' life experiments include following all the rules of the Bible, trying to be the most rational person alive and radical honesty.

Aired 24 September 2009

The Republican Party is accused of racism, another holiday is under attack, and Ken Burns makes a documentary about national parks.

Aired 28 September 2009

Sheryl WuDunn believes giving women loans and educating girls is the way to lift developing nations out of poverty.

Aired 29 September 2009

An exciting new tobacco product hits the market, and Matt Latimer recalls his Bush speechwriting days.

Aired 30 September 2009

Stephen has an update on his space treadmill, and he'll evolve Richard Dawkins' book into tiny shreds of paper.

Aired 1 October 2009

Francis Collins informs Stephen that it's going to take time for stem cell research to give him crab claws.

Aired 5 October 2009

President Obama proposes a longer school year, and Arne Duncan could only get a job as a secretary.

Aired 6 October 2009

The Mountain Goats perform "Psalms 40:2" from their album, "The Life of the World to Come."

Aired 7 October 2009

Doctors invent a radical new surgery, and Alison Gopnik says babies can help us understand deep philosophical questions.

Aired 8 October 2009

The media attacks Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh may buy a football team, and Colin Beavan makes no environmental impact.

Aired 12 October 2009

Stephen takes on Norwegians for giving Obama the Nobel Peace Prize, plays tennis with James Blake and talks zombies with Sanjay Gupta.

Aired 13 October 2009

Stephen posts Twitter updates on Miley Cyrus, talks fetuses with David Javerbaum and asks Sylvia Earle why he should care about the ocean.

Aired 14 October 2009

Stephen gets angry over health care reform, discusses obesity with Amy Farrell, and talks wisdom with the RZA.

Aired 15 October 2009

Stephen proves that mayo is the illest condiment, asks Jerry Mitchell what a newspaper reporter is and unveils his new portrait.

Aired 26 October 2009

Stephen criticizes Washington State, endorses your job application and disagrees with everything Cornel West stands for.

Aired 27 October 2009

The Catholic Church reaches out to former members, and Gail Collins talks about the modern American woman.

Aired 28 October 2009

Stephen finds out what broke the largest particle accelerator and preps for his interview with Brian Cox by watching "Baby Einstein" tapes.

Aired 29 October 2009

Stephen talks to Rosanne Cash about torturing detainees with music and discusses "Teen Wolf" with Bill Simmons.

Aired 2 November 2009

Stephen sponsors the U.S. speedskating team, analyzes Arnold Schwarzenegger's breakfast and disputes the end of the Cold War with Nicholas Thompson.

Aired 3 November 2009

Stephen makes history with the U.S. Speedskating team, covers a gay couple's arrest on Mormon Church property and wants Andrew Sullivan to admit he's wrong.

Aired 4 November 2009

Stephen declares Barack Obama the loser, gets dunked in water by Al Gore and asks Harold Evans if he's going to be a chimney sweep.

Aired 5 November 2009

Stephen puts Canada on notice with Joey Cheek, introduces Vaxaconda and talks to William Bratton about McGruff the Crime Dog.

Aired 9 November 2009

Stephen asks Mike Castle why he can't marry a chicken, helps Katherine Reutter win a gold medal, and talks art with Thomas Campbell.

Aired 10 November 2009

Stephen defends Barney Frank for not recognizing marijuana, enjoys a Taser XREP ad and feeds ice cream to Maria Shriver.

Aired 11 November 2009

Stephen believes bankers are God's representatives, criticizes "Sesame Street" and asks Christopher Caldwell where the Muslim pope is.

Aired 12 November 2009

Stephen uses Miracle Whip money to buy mayo, claims Lou Dobbs' audience and shaves Woody Harrelson's head.

Aired 16 November 2009

Stephen shows Barack Obama how to greet foreign leaders, offers to sing in Aerosmith, and discusses architecture with Paul Goldberger.

Aired 17 November 2009

Stephen talks to Marc Kielburger about child labor, skateboards with Jackie Speier and asks Malcolm Gladwell to explain a New Yorker cartoon.

Aired 18 November 2009

Sarah Palin has a 400-page book, "2012" takes the world by storm, and Norah Jones talks about her famous father, Indiana.

Aired 19 November 2009

The Senate introduces a tax on plastic surgery, and Elvis Costello plays "Cheap Reward" with Stephen.

Aired 30 November 2009

Stephen talks to Dan Esty about global warming, forces Joseph Cirincione to play "Sanction, Bomb, Marry?" and compares school to prison with Cevin Soling

Aired 1 December 2009

Stephen profiles a made-up district, discusses alien Jesus with Guy Consolmagno and helps Sherman Alexie save part of white culture

Aired 2 December 2009

Stephen critiques President Obama's speech, presents a device that lets him poop whenever he wants, and questions Craig Watson's innocence

Aired 3 December 2009

Stephen covers Tiger Woods' car crash, tries out for the U.S. skeleton team and talks to Janet Napolitano about the color-coded threat level.

Aired 7 December 2009

Bill T. Jones describes how Fela Kuti fought against the Nigerian government with his music.

Aired 8 December 2009

Stephen gives Bernie Sanders a chance to address the vicious socialist rumors and discusses the best of the public with Andy Schlafly.

Aired 9 December 2009

Stephen appeals to the monkey demographic, gets a visit from Krampus and calls out Goldman Sachs with Matt Taibbi.

Aired 10 December 2009

Stephen details Russia's battle plan for Afghanistan, tries out for the U.S. bobsled team and puts words in Lara Logan's mouth.

Aired 14 December 2009

Stephen interviews President Obama's cardboard cutout, signs Katherine Reutter's thigh and pre-censors Snoop Dogg.

Aired 15 December 2009

John Slattery sells gold, Stephen relays the story of Treesus, and Alicia Keys performs her hit song.

Aired 16 December 2009

Stephen encourages Tiger Woods, sees the ghost of Stephen King and remembers the wacky decade with Tom Brokaw.